expectations?! (essential for people management)

expectations?!
(I am- no writer - not authorised to make any conclusions - this is just some kind of thoughts that flow thru my very less exposed mind - this has no validity or may not hold true for other fellow readers.)

We all try to share / care and discuss/debate issues and expect something from the people who live with and around us or interact with as per varied degrees of relationship we assign them .

Actually , no one can completely share any problems/ feelings with any one ,even with husband /wife or boy/girl friend or whatever is the relation . What actually happens to us on discussing is that we ourselves start seeing the different angles of the issue when we try and talk about it – which may make the problem heavier or lighter.

Ofcourse ,the person with whom we discuss may or may not influence you with his/her attitude towards the issue- but in the end people listen to their own conclusions , rather than the other person’s.

what we feel might not be what the other feel about the same issue .At least the gravity of the issue will be different as per each mind!

Even what I write now will be seen differently by different minds .

so our problem is to a certain extend within ourself- our requirements and expectations.

Like - when we think that it is our right to get something and we dont get - it hurts

Thinking negatively- that there is no right , and we may not get it – we are prepared and there is no disappointment .

I used to do this even while i went for exams in school ; and under-project myself to even my parents – to make sure that I overtake their expectations

To get excited with what we r sure to get ... we may disown them …

Similarily - say , we expect someone to do a certain thing and they does not do it - we feel bad

Then try thinking that it is not necessary that others do what we want – they r not u - not urs - and then if they does not - it is as we expected and so no much hurt !

but then if they does it - it is above our expectations and we feel happy ,

it all depends on how much we expect -not on how much he or she does . it is within us- not within them

read them ( all around us ) by our own scale and measure them and
assign limits on what we can expect from them -reduce some 30% from that expectations ....and fix the expectation limits ...

do this with ur head not heart
and then u c , everyone is over achieving our expectations

A Software Engineer's Feelings.....

( A good excerpt I have read in some blog )

It was raining heavily outside. Dark clouds gathered in the sky and nature was in its ominous best. I took a break from my work and went to the pantry to grab a cup of coffee. I had a sip and went near the window to see the rain pouring down heavily outside the glass structure. I was inside our huge office building, unruffled by even the fierceness of the nature.
Through the heavy transparent glass, I could see a small girl trying to hold on to her umbrella which the wind was snatching away from her. I felt sorry for the girl, and was happy that I was not in a similar pathetic situation. Yes. I take pride for the fact that I am a software engineer.
I have everything which a common man would envy; money, status, respect, you name it I have it. I always wanted to be software professional and here I am, working for one of the best firms in the world. But then, am I really happy? Now, I could see an imprint of my palm on the other glass window, through which I reminisced my past, basked in the warmth of the sun shine.
My childhood was so much of fun. I vividly remember those rainy days, when I hugged my mother tightly during sleeping listening to all the stories told by her. Now, I have a big house here, but then it is just a house, not a home. My parents are pretty far away from me now. I have a cell phone to talk to them everyday, but then I really miss those dinners which I had with my family everyday. I could easily afford to taste all the different cuisines these days, but the best of food there, lack the love and affection which is present in the food prepared by my mother.
I threw a lavish party for my colleagues for my birthday, but then they would never replace the birthdays when my friends secretly brought a cake and at the end, half of the cake would have ended up on my face. The couple of hundred bucks that u save for a long period just to give a treat to your friends in the road side chat shop can never give the pleasure even after spending a few thousand bucks these days.
The scene of me crying and refusing to have dinner on the day when I fought with my best friend came to my mind. Today, he has gone far away from me, taking away my friendship and with it my life, but I am sitting and coding here with a false smile on my face. Everyday I meet new people, but then I long ceased to make a new friend.
It's true that I have a lot of things now. I have a nice bed, but no time to sleep. Lots of money, but no friends to spend it with. The latest designer clothes, but a worn out body . Awards for technical excellence, but no reward for the crave for peaceful ambience. A confident demeanor, but a reluctant and apathetic mind. Full of rain, but no sunshine even in the farthest distance.
Now, I could see the small girl on the road enjoying in the rain with her umbrella firmly in her grip. She might not have all the comforts which I have, but then she has the innocence and fun which I lost a long time back.
I have decided to come out of this false fantasy, even if it is at the expense of losing the tap of the software engineer. I am going to again enjoy my life. I am going to go out in the rain and play with the small kid now. I removed my tie, and went near my computer to shut it down. Just then, I saw a new mail alert in my mail box. I slowly opened outlook and I found a message from my manager with an attachment saying that there was a critical defect in the code and I have to fix it soon. I convinced myself that I am not going to get bogged down again by these pressures and stick to my decision. I ignored the mail and went to the rest room. After a couple of minutes, the software engineer in me came out, his shirt tucked in with the perfect tie knot, sat before the computer, and started typing,


Hi XYZ,
I am looking into the defect and will send the patch files before EOD.
Regards,
Software Engineer.
Its just my imagination of life of a Software Engineer influenced by my own life as I am also a Software Engineer.

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