This is beutiful and you will cry - Forward from karthik

Sally jumped up as soon as she saw the surgeon come out of the operatingroom.She said: "How is my little boy? Is he going to be all right? When can Isee him?"The surgeon said, "I'm sorry. We did all we could, but your boy didn'tmake it."Sally said, "Why do little children get cancer? Doesn't God care anymore? Where were you, God, when my son needed you?"The surgeon asked, "Would you like some time alone with your son? One ofthe nurses will be out in a few minutes, before he's transported to theuniversity."Sally asked the nurse to stay with her while she said good-bye to herson. She ranher fingers lovingly through his thick red curly hair."Would you like a lock of his hair?" the nurse asked.Sally nodded yes. The nurse cut a lock of the boy's hair, put it in aplastic bag and handed it to Sally. The mother said, "It was Jimmy'sidea to donate his body to the university for study. He said it mighthelp somebody else. "I said no at first, butJimmy said, 'Mom, I won't be using it after I die. Maybe it will helpsome otherlittle boy spend one more day with his Mom." She went on, "My Jimmy hadaheart of gold. Always thinking of someone else. Always wanting to helpothers ifhe could."Sally walked out of Children's mercy Hospital for the last time, afterspending mostof the last six months there. She put the bag with Jimmy's belongings onthe seat beside her in the car. The drive home was difficult. It waseven harder to enter the empty house. She carried Jimmy's belongings,and the plastic bag with the lock ofhis hair to her son's room. She started placing the model cars and otherpersonalthings back in his room exactly where he had always kept them. She laiddownacross his bed and, hugging his pillow, cried herself to sleep.It was around midnight when Sally awoke. Laying beside her on the bedwas afolded letter. The letter said:"Dear Mom, I know you're going to miss me; but don't think that I willever forget you, or stop loving you, just because I'm not around to sayI LOVE YOU. I willalways love you, Mom, even more with each day. Someday we will see eachother again. Until then, if you want to adopt a little boy so you won'tbe so lonely, that's okay with me. He can have my room and old stuff toplay with. But, if you decideto get a girl instead, she probably wouldn't like the same things usboys do. You'llhave to buy her dolls and stuff girls like, you know. Don't be sadthinking about me. This really is a neat place. Grandma and Grandpa metme as soon as I got here and showed me around some, but it will take along time to see everything. The angelsare so cool. I love to watch them fly. And, you know what? Jesus doesn'tlook likeany of his pictures. Yet, when I saw Him, I knew it was Him. Jesushimself took meto see GOD! And guess what, Mom? I got to sit on God's knee and talk toHim, likeI was somebody important. That's when I told Him that I wanted to writeyou a letter, to tell you good-bye and everything. But I already knewthat wasn't allowed. Well, you know what Mom? God handed me some paperand His own personal pen to write you this letter. I think Gabriel isthe name of the angel who is going to drop this letter off to you. Godsaid for me to give you the answer to one of the questions you askedHim, 'Where was He when I needed him?' "God said He was in the sameplace with me, as when His son Jesus was on the cross. He was rightthere, as He always is with all His children.Oh, by the way, Mom, no one else can see what I've written except you.To everyone else this is just a blank piece of paper. Isn't that cool? Ihave to give God His pen back now. He needs it to write some more namesin the Book of Life. Tonight I get to sit at the table with Jesus forsupper. I'm, sure the food will be great.Oh, I almost forgot to tell you. I don't hurt anymore. The cancer is allgone. I'm glad because I couldn't stand that pain anymore and Godcouldn't stand to see me hurt so much, either. That's when He sent TheAngel of Mercy to come get me. The Angel said I was a Special Delivery!How about that?Signed with Love from: God, Jesus &Me.

Being Lonely

Every one in their life will have their turn to be lonely. Have you been anytime? What is loneliness? When will it hit you? Do you ever felt lonely even when you have people around? what do you really mean loneliness is? Is it has a physical attribute? Or is it only a mental posture?
So lots of questions......have any one ever felt really lonely in your normal life? Please help me. The loneliness to the extend of filling the whole life....the void filling the void......
Hmmm...I just got the one of entry level of loneliness. So cool how do I feel? I am totally filled without any substance, ha not the physical but the mental space. My mind doesn't seem to think. It seems fluctuate or the correct word could be wandering. It wanders all the space but full of darkness. All it leaves to me is one big space without any constructive usage.
I am wondering, is there a sync between the mind and body? Why should I suffer, when my mind doesn't cooperate. Why should I be wandering without any constructive usage of the whole life. What if I feel lonely the whole life. Why should I feel lonely the whole life? What is so imperative that has has caused me to be lonely. Is is the physical loneliness? No. Haaa...now I understand I should dig myself inside and do the soul searching for WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME.
So here we go for the soul searching....why am I lonely? And how do I feel when I feel lonely? Hey I feeling depressed when I am feeling lonely. Is that all? No. I feel my mind blocked. I feel my brain as well blocked. I feel my head heavier than my whole body. I feel my head paining as the sensitivity of the weight of the heavier head could not be withheld by the normal abysmal physical self.
Hey what is that I am trying? Oh thats a good idea. The head will be heavier only when I stand, so with my head on the mat I lie down. I lie down for the eternal years as I have to lie down for the eternal years to come out of the loneliness which will continue for the eternal years.
So where is the link? Loneliness leading to depression, depression leading to pain. Or it can be vice versa also.
Oh this is utter pain, pitch black pain ad nothing else. When is this pain going to stop. Even if I lie down for tackling the weight of the head, how much time can I. Should I spend the whole life lying down and still survive in the lonely life without anything else but pain.
Where I am getting to? What is the solution? There are a lot of explanations and no solutions. Come on.....come out... break the nerves....break the pain....break the loneliness. The heaven waits for you break the knot...break the pain.
Helluva confusion and only adding to the pain and adding to the loneliness. So why should I suffer to search a soul which is not to be found. Hell leave it. Let the pain live longer,let the loneliness prevail the whole life, let the darkness prevail the whole life. Let the whole life be peaceful in the hermit. Let the mind be peacful...let the mind be void...let the body be light...let the head be lighter. Let the soul search its own destiny....Let you be the destiny's child....let you be floating in the air.....void....void and void only be present.....let the void be present to rule the darkness. What is that tiny light; and oh my darkness please don't leave. Please dont go oh darkness please dont go. Oh my loneliness please dont go.

SHIT AFTER A LAZY DAY HOW DIFFICULT IT IS TO GET THE SLEEP IN THE NIGHT. SLEEPLESS NIGHT COUPLED WITH THE HEAD ACHE HAS MADE ME CRAZY. I HAVE BEEN STRUGGLING TO GET SLEEP, AND ENDED WONDERING WHEN THE HEAD ACHE HAS GONE AND HOW EARLY MY HEAVENLY NIGHT HAS COME TO END....................ANOTHER BORING DAY AHEAD................................................................

expectations?! (essential for people management)

expectations?!
(I am- no writer - not authorised to make any conclusions - this is just some kind of thoughts that flow thru my very less exposed mind - this has no validity or may not hold true for other fellow readers.)

We all try to share / care and discuss/debate issues and expect something from the people who live with and around us or interact with as per varied degrees of relationship we assign them .

Actually , no one can completely share any problems/ feelings with any one ,even with husband /wife or boy/girl friend or whatever is the relation . What actually happens to us on discussing is that we ourselves start seeing the different angles of the issue when we try and talk about it – which may make the problem heavier or lighter.

Ofcourse ,the person with whom we discuss may or may not influence you with his/her attitude towards the issue- but in the end people listen to their own conclusions , rather than the other person’s.

what we feel might not be what the other feel about the same issue .At least the gravity of the issue will be different as per each mind!

Even what I write now will be seen differently by different minds .

so our problem is to a certain extend within ourself- our requirements and expectations.

Like - when we think that it is our right to get something and we dont get - it hurts

Thinking negatively- that there is no right , and we may not get it – we are prepared and there is no disappointment .

I used to do this even while i went for exams in school ; and under-project myself to even my parents – to make sure that I overtake their expectations

To get excited with what we r sure to get ... we may disown them …

Similarily - say , we expect someone to do a certain thing and they does not do it - we feel bad

Then try thinking that it is not necessary that others do what we want – they r not u - not urs - and then if they does not - it is as we expected and so no much hurt !

but then if they does it - it is above our expectations and we feel happy ,

it all depends on how much we expect -not on how much he or she does . it is within us- not within them

read them ( all around us ) by our own scale and measure them and
assign limits on what we can expect from them -reduce some 30% from that expectations ....and fix the expectation limits ...

do this with ur head not heart
and then u c , everyone is over achieving our expectations

A Software Engineer's Feelings.....

( A good excerpt I have read in some blog )

It was raining heavily outside. Dark clouds gathered in the sky and nature was in its ominous best. I took a break from my work and went to the pantry to grab a cup of coffee. I had a sip and went near the window to see the rain pouring down heavily outside the glass structure. I was inside our huge office building, unruffled by even the fierceness of the nature.
Through the heavy transparent glass, I could see a small girl trying to hold on to her umbrella which the wind was snatching away from her. I felt sorry for the girl, and was happy that I was not in a similar pathetic situation. Yes. I take pride for the fact that I am a software engineer.
I have everything which a common man would envy; money, status, respect, you name it I have it. I always wanted to be software professional and here I am, working for one of the best firms in the world. But then, am I really happy? Now, I could see an imprint of my palm on the other glass window, through which I reminisced my past, basked in the warmth of the sun shine.
My childhood was so much of fun. I vividly remember those rainy days, when I hugged my mother tightly during sleeping listening to all the stories told by her. Now, I have a big house here, but then it is just a house, not a home. My parents are pretty far away from me now. I have a cell phone to talk to them everyday, but then I really miss those dinners which I had with my family everyday. I could easily afford to taste all the different cuisines these days, but the best of food there, lack the love and affection which is present in the food prepared by my mother.
I threw a lavish party for my colleagues for my birthday, but then they would never replace the birthdays when my friends secretly brought a cake and at the end, half of the cake would have ended up on my face. The couple of hundred bucks that u save for a long period just to give a treat to your friends in the road side chat shop can never give the pleasure even after spending a few thousand bucks these days.
The scene of me crying and refusing to have dinner on the day when I fought with my best friend came to my mind. Today, he has gone far away from me, taking away my friendship and with it my life, but I am sitting and coding here with a false smile on my face. Everyday I meet new people, but then I long ceased to make a new friend.
It's true that I have a lot of things now. I have a nice bed, but no time to sleep. Lots of money, but no friends to spend it with. The latest designer clothes, but a worn out body . Awards for technical excellence, but no reward for the crave for peaceful ambience. A confident demeanor, but a reluctant and apathetic mind. Full of rain, but no sunshine even in the farthest distance.
Now, I could see the small girl on the road enjoying in the rain with her umbrella firmly in her grip. She might not have all the comforts which I have, but then she has the innocence and fun which I lost a long time back.
I have decided to come out of this false fantasy, even if it is at the expense of losing the tap of the software engineer. I am going to again enjoy my life. I am going to go out in the rain and play with the small kid now. I removed my tie, and went near my computer to shut it down. Just then, I saw a new mail alert in my mail box. I slowly opened outlook and I found a message from my manager with an attachment saying that there was a critical defect in the code and I have to fix it soon. I convinced myself that I am not going to get bogged down again by these pressures and stick to my decision. I ignored the mail and went to the rest room. After a couple of minutes, the software engineer in me came out, his shirt tucked in with the perfect tie knot, sat before the computer, and started typing,


Hi XYZ,
I am looking into the defect and will send the patch files before EOD.
Regards,
Software Engineer.
Its just my imagination of life of a Software Engineer influenced by my own life as I am also a Software Engineer.

Second Look

Hey I am struggling to find time to create my blog......

Ha at last...my solo photo entry...hi hi hi