A song which fills the soul!!
Monday, August 24, 2009
Friday, February 20, 2009
Self - Esteem
Wake Up Feeling Great With These 22 Tips for High Self-Esteem
“No one can make you feel inferior without your permission.”
- Eleanor Roosevelt
Self-esteem is how you feel about yourself, how confident you are, how accomplished you feel. It reflects whether a person loves, accepts, and believes in who they are. For some of us, however, it can go up and down. One day you might feel really on top of everything, great about yourself, unafraid to try anything. And the next day, you’re just as likely to feel completely at the bottom, unsure of yourself, afraid to say or do anything.
Building high self-esteem is a process, not something you can develop overnight. And this isn’t necessarily easy. Yet, every single person has the capacity of high self-esteem. The question is, are you ready to make a commitment to increase your self-esteem?
If your answer is yes, here are some tips to get you started:
1. Stop comparing yourself with other people.
Human beings can amplify or reduce their value by contrasting themselves either positively or negatively with others. But if you play the comparison game, you’ll run into too many “opponents” you can’t defeat. There will always be some people who have more than you and some who have less. So stop comparing!
2. Stop the critic inside of you.
Some people have a bad habit of putting themselves down often. They say negative things to themselves like, “I’m always late. Why am I such a flake?” or “There you go again, stupid!” So get in the new habit of catching yourself saying critical things about yourself and learn to silence your inner critic. And if this is unavoidable, at least tone down the level of your criticism.
3. Forgive and forget.
Do not waste your time and energy thinking of past hurts. Your time can be wisely spent for other productive things rather than forlorn thoughts. We make mistakes, even when we’re trying our best. Sometimes you just have to apologize, let it go and move on.
4. Associate with positive, supportive people.
The “real you” is a magnificent, unique being with enormous potential and capacity for experiencing love of yourself and extending love to others. So keep your interest in life at a high level by being in the company of enthusiastic people. This way, you will get infected by their positive attitude. You will view the world in its full shining glory and move around oozing with energy. In the same manner, it would be wise to stay away from negatively inclined thinkers. When you are surrounded by negative people who constantly put you and your ideas down, your self-esteem is lowered.
5. Get involved in work and activities you love.
It’s hard to feel good about yourself if your days are spent in work you hate. Self-esteem flourishes when you are engaged in work and activities that you enjoy and make you feel valuable. And even if you’re not in a position to make immediate changes in your career, you can still devote some of your leisure time to enjoyable hobbies or activities.
6. Be true to yourself.
Live your own life - not the life someone decided is best for you. You will never gain your own respect and you will never feel good about yourself if you aren’t leading the life you want to lead. So if you’re still making decisions based on getting approval from friends and relatives, you aren’t being true to yourself and your self-esteem is lowered.
7. Talk affirmatively to others and yourself.
Words carry enough power that can either hurt other people or yourself. Similarly, words can generate enough power to give warmth and comfort. So be conscious of your choice of words. Choose affirmative words when speaking with someone.
8. Quit blaming yourself for mistakes in the past.
Many things in our lives are only minimally in our control, but those of us who develop low self-esteem take the full blame for the resulting negative outcomes. Instead, learn to honor your efforts and give proper credit for things that you have done well. Following a practical approach for managing your self-esteem will prevent it from becoming a problem and keep you off that rollercoaster.
9. Make a long list of your personal breakthroughs.
Think of times when you did something that you thought that never could do but managed to pull off successfully. These breakthroughs can generate an authentic source of never-ending pride in you. Read this list often. While reviewing it, close your eyes and recreate the feelings of satisfaction and joy you experienced when you first attained each success.
10. Make a list of your positive qualities.
Not everyone has your unique abilities and talents. Are you honest? Unselfish? Helpful? Creative? Be generous with yourself and write down at least 20 positive qualities. Again, it’s important to review this list often. Most people dwell on their inadequacies and then wonder why their life isn’t working out. Start focusing on your positive traits and you’ll stand a much better chance of achieving what you wish to achieve.
11. Figure out the hidden strengths in your so-called weaknesses.
You can’t develop high self-esteem if you constantly repeat negative comments about your skills and abilities. Remember that there is always a positive in every negative if you look hard enough. For instance, you may think of yourself as stubborn, but the flipside is that you’re also persistent and dependable.
12. Rediscover and reaffirm your personal strengths.
Sometimes you have to take a new inventory on what you like about your looks, smile, body, sexiness, health, personality, and character strengths. Don’t sell yourself short. It isn’t wrong or egotistical to praise ourselves.
13. Ignore yourself.
Sometimes the real problem isn’t self-esteem at all but a tendency toward overthinking. When you get this feeling direct your focus to other things. Give it a rest already!
14. Examine your needs.
Some of us need more praise from others than other people do. Some people need to always be accomplishing something, or they feel let down. In other words, it could very well be that you’re ok, but you’re just in a slower activity period right now, so it feels like you feel bad, when you really don’t. Relax, and take it easy!
15. Accept all compliments with “Thank You.”
Don’t dismiss or ignore them. When you do this you give yourself the message that you do not deserve or are not worthy of praise, which by the way reflects low self-esteem. Respond to all compliments with a simple Thank You.
16. Start giving more.
You must give more of yourself to those around you. Because when you do things for someone else, you are making a positive contribution and you begin to feel more valuable, which in turn lifts your spirits and raises your own self-esteem. So next time you see a downcast or downtrodden individual, pick him up from the rut. Share with him the warmth of your helping hand and watch the glow in his eyes.
17. Be your own cheerleader.
The energy and enthusiasm of a cheerleader is necessary in order to make the radical emotional changes required to raise your self-esteem. Learn how to enjoy a few minutes of self-congratulations instead of jumping right into the next task as if nothing happened, or dismissing it as meaningless. It does mean something. Being your own cheerleader isn’t silly, it’s smart and contagious.
18. Start small and do a task you can accomplish easily.
There’s no faster way to build self-esteem than to add yet another accomplishment to your roster. It always feels good to get something crossed off our to-do list. And it doesn’t necessarily have to consist of monumental accomplishments.
19. Examine the pattern of highs and lows.
Perhaps you’re just in a “praise starvation” mode - it’s been too long since you got a compliment or got to do anything that someone noticed. Or perhaps you started the downward spiral when you said some bad things to someone. It’s always good to remember that self-esteem is a mental construct. So examine your patterns and you’ll know what to do.
20. Get some exercise.
Exercise can decrease ‘stress hormones’ like cortisol, and increase endorphins, your body’s ‘feel-good’ chemicals, giving your mood a natural boost. If you’ve been focusing on one type of exercise, vary that routine and try a different type. If you don’t exercise, go for a walk. Even the change of scenery will do you good. It also forces your perspective to change a little, and you may see yourself in a better light. Also physical activity itself can take your mind off of your problems and either redirect it on the activity at hand or get you into a zen-like state.
21. Take advantage of workshops, books and cassette tape programs on self-esteem.
Whatever material we allow to dominate our mind will eventually take root and affect our own behavior. For example, if you watch negative television programs or read newspaper reports of murders and business rip off; you will grow cynical and pessimistic. On the other hand, if you read books or listen to programs, that are positive in nature, you will take on these characteristics.
22. Take action!
The universe rewards action! When you take action - regardless of the ensuing result - you feel better about yourself. When you fail to move forward because of fear and anxiety, you’ll be frustrated and unhappy - and you will undoubtedly deal a damaging blow to your self-esteem.
Consider these simple tips and try them. These activities will never fail to boost your self-esteem. And as your self-esteem grows, the “real you” emerges. You begin to take more risks and not be afraid of failure; you aren’t as concerned with getting approval of others; your relationships are much more rewarding; you pursue activities that bring you joy and satisfaction; and you will make a positive contribution to the world. Most importantly, high self esteem will bring you peace of mind - and next time you’re all alone, you’ll truly appreciate the person you’re with - YOURSELF.
If you liked this article, please bookmark it on del.icio.us or vote for it on Digg. Thank you!
“No one can make you feel inferior without your permission.”
- Eleanor Roosevelt
Self-esteem is how you feel about yourself, how confident you are, how accomplished you feel. It reflects whether a person loves, accepts, and believes in who they are. For some of us, however, it can go up and down. One day you might feel really on top of everything, great about yourself, unafraid to try anything. And the next day, you’re just as likely to feel completely at the bottom, unsure of yourself, afraid to say or do anything.
Building high self-esteem is a process, not something you can develop overnight. And this isn’t necessarily easy. Yet, every single person has the capacity of high self-esteem. The question is, are you ready to make a commitment to increase your self-esteem?
If your answer is yes, here are some tips to get you started:
1. Stop comparing yourself with other people.
Human beings can amplify or reduce their value by contrasting themselves either positively or negatively with others. But if you play the comparison game, you’ll run into too many “opponents” you can’t defeat. There will always be some people who have more than you and some who have less. So stop comparing!
2. Stop the critic inside of you.
Some people have a bad habit of putting themselves down often. They say negative things to themselves like, “I’m always late. Why am I such a flake?” or “There you go again, stupid!” So get in the new habit of catching yourself saying critical things about yourself and learn to silence your inner critic. And if this is unavoidable, at least tone down the level of your criticism.
3. Forgive and forget.
Do not waste your time and energy thinking of past hurts. Your time can be wisely spent for other productive things rather than forlorn thoughts. We make mistakes, even when we’re trying our best. Sometimes you just have to apologize, let it go and move on.
4. Associate with positive, supportive people.
The “real you” is a magnificent, unique being with enormous potential and capacity for experiencing love of yourself and extending love to others. So keep your interest in life at a high level by being in the company of enthusiastic people. This way, you will get infected by their positive attitude. You will view the world in its full shining glory and move around oozing with energy. In the same manner, it would be wise to stay away from negatively inclined thinkers. When you are surrounded by negative people who constantly put you and your ideas down, your self-esteem is lowered.
5. Get involved in work and activities you love.
It’s hard to feel good about yourself if your days are spent in work you hate. Self-esteem flourishes when you are engaged in work and activities that you enjoy and make you feel valuable. And even if you’re not in a position to make immediate changes in your career, you can still devote some of your leisure time to enjoyable hobbies or activities.
6. Be true to yourself.
Live your own life - not the life someone decided is best for you. You will never gain your own respect and you will never feel good about yourself if you aren’t leading the life you want to lead. So if you’re still making decisions based on getting approval from friends and relatives, you aren’t being true to yourself and your self-esteem is lowered.
7. Talk affirmatively to others and yourself.
Words carry enough power that can either hurt other people or yourself. Similarly, words can generate enough power to give warmth and comfort. So be conscious of your choice of words. Choose affirmative words when speaking with someone.
8. Quit blaming yourself for mistakes in the past.
Many things in our lives are only minimally in our control, but those of us who develop low self-esteem take the full blame for the resulting negative outcomes. Instead, learn to honor your efforts and give proper credit for things that you have done well. Following a practical approach for managing your self-esteem will prevent it from becoming a problem and keep you off that rollercoaster.
9. Make a long list of your personal breakthroughs.
Think of times when you did something that you thought that never could do but managed to pull off successfully. These breakthroughs can generate an authentic source of never-ending pride in you. Read this list often. While reviewing it, close your eyes and recreate the feelings of satisfaction and joy you experienced when you first attained each success.
10. Make a list of your positive qualities.
Not everyone has your unique abilities and talents. Are you honest? Unselfish? Helpful? Creative? Be generous with yourself and write down at least 20 positive qualities. Again, it’s important to review this list often. Most people dwell on their inadequacies and then wonder why their life isn’t working out. Start focusing on your positive traits and you’ll stand a much better chance of achieving what you wish to achieve.
11. Figure out the hidden strengths in your so-called weaknesses.
You can’t develop high self-esteem if you constantly repeat negative comments about your skills and abilities. Remember that there is always a positive in every negative if you look hard enough. For instance, you may think of yourself as stubborn, but the flipside is that you’re also persistent and dependable.
12. Rediscover and reaffirm your personal strengths.
Sometimes you have to take a new inventory on what you like about your looks, smile, body, sexiness, health, personality, and character strengths. Don’t sell yourself short. It isn’t wrong or egotistical to praise ourselves.
13. Ignore yourself.
Sometimes the real problem isn’t self-esteem at all but a tendency toward overthinking. When you get this feeling direct your focus to other things. Give it a rest already!
14. Examine your needs.
Some of us need more praise from others than other people do. Some people need to always be accomplishing something, or they feel let down. In other words, it could very well be that you’re ok, but you’re just in a slower activity period right now, so it feels like you feel bad, when you really don’t. Relax, and take it easy!
15. Accept all compliments with “Thank You.”
Don’t dismiss or ignore them. When you do this you give yourself the message that you do not deserve or are not worthy of praise, which by the way reflects low self-esteem. Respond to all compliments with a simple Thank You.
16. Start giving more.
You must give more of yourself to those around you. Because when you do things for someone else, you are making a positive contribution and you begin to feel more valuable, which in turn lifts your spirits and raises your own self-esteem. So next time you see a downcast or downtrodden individual, pick him up from the rut. Share with him the warmth of your helping hand and watch the glow in his eyes.
17. Be your own cheerleader.
The energy and enthusiasm of a cheerleader is necessary in order to make the radical emotional changes required to raise your self-esteem. Learn how to enjoy a few minutes of self-congratulations instead of jumping right into the next task as if nothing happened, or dismissing it as meaningless. It does mean something. Being your own cheerleader isn’t silly, it’s smart and contagious.
18. Start small and do a task you can accomplish easily.
There’s no faster way to build self-esteem than to add yet another accomplishment to your roster. It always feels good to get something crossed off our to-do list. And it doesn’t necessarily have to consist of monumental accomplishments.
19. Examine the pattern of highs and lows.
Perhaps you’re just in a “praise starvation” mode - it’s been too long since you got a compliment or got to do anything that someone noticed. Or perhaps you started the downward spiral when you said some bad things to someone. It’s always good to remember that self-esteem is a mental construct. So examine your patterns and you’ll know what to do.
20. Get some exercise.
Exercise can decrease ‘stress hormones’ like cortisol, and increase endorphins, your body’s ‘feel-good’ chemicals, giving your mood a natural boost. If you’ve been focusing on one type of exercise, vary that routine and try a different type. If you don’t exercise, go for a walk. Even the change of scenery will do you good. It also forces your perspective to change a little, and you may see yourself in a better light. Also physical activity itself can take your mind off of your problems and either redirect it on the activity at hand or get you into a zen-like state.
21. Take advantage of workshops, books and cassette tape programs on self-esteem.
Whatever material we allow to dominate our mind will eventually take root and affect our own behavior. For example, if you watch negative television programs or read newspaper reports of murders and business rip off; you will grow cynical and pessimistic. On the other hand, if you read books or listen to programs, that are positive in nature, you will take on these characteristics.
22. Take action!
The universe rewards action! When you take action - regardless of the ensuing result - you feel better about yourself. When you fail to move forward because of fear and anxiety, you’ll be frustrated and unhappy - and you will undoubtedly deal a damaging blow to your self-esteem.
Consider these simple tips and try them. These activities will never fail to boost your self-esteem. And as your self-esteem grows, the “real you” emerges. You begin to take more risks and not be afraid of failure; you aren’t as concerned with getting approval of others; your relationships are much more rewarding; you pursue activities that bring you joy and satisfaction; and you will make a positive contribution to the world. Most importantly, high self esteem will bring you peace of mind - and next time you’re all alone, you’ll truly appreciate the person you’re with - YOURSELF.
If you liked this article, please bookmark it on del.icio.us or vote for it on Digg. Thank you!
Saturday, June 28, 2008
This is beutiful and you will cry - Forward from karthik
Sally jumped up as soon as she saw the surgeon come out of the operatingroom.She said: "How is my little boy? Is he going to be all right? When can Isee him?"The surgeon said, "I'm sorry. We did all we could, but your boy didn'tmake it."Sally said, "Why do little children get cancer? Doesn't God care anymore? Where were you, God, when my son needed you?"The surgeon asked, "Would you like some time alone with your son? One ofthe nurses will be out in a few minutes, before he's transported to theuniversity."Sally asked the nurse to stay with her while she said good-bye to herson. She ranher fingers lovingly through his thick red curly hair."Would you like a lock of his hair?" the nurse asked.Sally nodded yes. The nurse cut a lock of the boy's hair, put it in aplastic bag and handed it to Sally. The mother said, "It was Jimmy'sidea to donate his body to the university for study. He said it mighthelp somebody else. "I said no at first, butJimmy said, 'Mom, I won't be using it after I die. Maybe it will helpsome otherlittle boy spend one more day with his Mom." She went on, "My Jimmy hadaheart of gold. Always thinking of someone else. Always wanting to helpothers ifhe could."Sally walked out of Children's mercy Hospital for the last time, afterspending mostof the last six months there. She put the bag with Jimmy's belongings onthe seat beside her in the car. The drive home was difficult. It waseven harder to enter the empty house. She carried Jimmy's belongings,and the plastic bag with the lock ofhis hair to her son's room. She started placing the model cars and otherpersonalthings back in his room exactly where he had always kept them. She laiddownacross his bed and, hugging his pillow, cried herself to sleep.It was around midnight when Sally awoke. Laying beside her on the bedwas afolded letter. The letter said:"Dear Mom, I know you're going to miss me; but don't think that I willever forget you, or stop loving you, just because I'm not around to sayI LOVE YOU. I willalways love you, Mom, even more with each day. Someday we will see eachother again. Until then, if you want to adopt a little boy so you won'tbe so lonely, that's okay with me. He can have my room and old stuff toplay with. But, if you decideto get a girl instead, she probably wouldn't like the same things usboys do. You'llhave to buy her dolls and stuff girls like, you know. Don't be sadthinking about me. This really is a neat place. Grandma and Grandpa metme as soon as I got here and showed me around some, but it will take along time to see everything. The angelsare so cool. I love to watch them fly. And, you know what? Jesus doesn'tlook likeany of his pictures. Yet, when I saw Him, I knew it was Him. Jesushimself took meto see GOD! And guess what, Mom? I got to sit on God's knee and talk toHim, likeI was somebody important. That's when I told Him that I wanted to writeyou a letter, to tell you good-bye and everything. But I already knewthat wasn't allowed. Well, you know what Mom? God handed me some paperand His own personal pen to write you this letter. I think Gabriel isthe name of the angel who is going to drop this letter off to you. Godsaid for me to give you the answer to one of the questions you askedHim, 'Where was He when I needed him?' "God said He was in the sameplace with me, as when His son Jesus was on the cross. He was rightthere, as He always is with all His children.Oh, by the way, Mom, no one else can see what I've written except you.To everyone else this is just a blank piece of paper. Isn't that cool? Ihave to give God His pen back now. He needs it to write some more namesin the Book of Life. Tonight I get to sit at the table with Jesus forsupper. I'm, sure the food will be great.Oh, I almost forgot to tell you. I don't hurt anymore. The cancer is allgone. I'm glad because I couldn't stand that pain anymore and Godcouldn't stand to see me hurt so much, either. That's when He sent TheAngel of Mercy to come get me. The Angel said I was a Special Delivery!How about that?Signed with Love from: God, Jesus &Me.
Friday, May 30, 2008
Being Lonely
Every one in their life will have their turn to be lonely. Have you been anytime? What is loneliness? When will it hit you? Do you ever felt lonely even when you have people around? what do you really mean loneliness is? Is it has a physical attribute? Or is it only a mental posture?
So lots of questions......have any one ever felt really lonely in your normal life? Please help me. The loneliness to the extend of filling the whole life....the void filling the void......
Hmmm...I just got the one of entry level of loneliness. So cool how do I feel? I am totally filled without any substance, ha not the physical but the mental space. My mind doesn't seem to think. It seems fluctuate or the correct word could be wandering. It wanders all the space but full of darkness. All it leaves to me is one big space without any constructive usage.
I am wondering, is there a sync between the mind and body? Why should I suffer, when my mind doesn't cooperate. Why should I be wandering without any constructive usage of the whole life. What if I feel lonely the whole life. Why should I feel lonely the whole life? What is so imperative that has has caused me to be lonely. Is is the physical loneliness? No. Haaa...now I understand I should dig myself inside and do the soul searching for WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME.
So here we go for the soul searching....why am I lonely? And how do I feel when I feel lonely? Hey I feeling depressed when I am feeling lonely. Is that all? No. I feel my mind blocked. I feel my brain as well blocked. I feel my head heavier than my whole body. I feel my head paining as the sensitivity of the weight of the heavier head could not be withheld by the normal abysmal physical self.
Hey what is that I am trying? Oh thats a good idea. The head will be heavier only when I stand, so with my head on the mat I lie down. I lie down for the eternal years as I have to lie down for the eternal years to come out of the loneliness which will continue for the eternal years.
So where is the link? Loneliness leading to depression, depression leading to pain. Or it can be vice versa also.
Oh this is utter pain, pitch black pain ad nothing else. When is this pain going to stop. Even if I lie down for tackling the weight of the head, how much time can I. Should I spend the whole life lying down and still survive in the lonely life without anything else but pain.
Where I am getting to? What is the solution? There are a lot of explanations and no solutions. Come on.....come out... break the nerves....break the pain....break the loneliness. The heaven waits for you break the knot...break the pain.
Helluva confusion and only adding to the pain and adding to the loneliness. So why should I suffer to search a soul which is not to be found. Hell leave it. Let the pain live longer,let the loneliness prevail the whole life, let the darkness prevail the whole life. Let the whole life be peaceful in the hermit. Let the mind be peacful...let the mind be void...let the body be light...let the head be lighter. Let the soul search its own destiny....Let you be the destiny's child....let you be floating in the air.....void....void and void only be present.....let the void be present to rule the darkness. What is that tiny light; and oh my darkness please don't leave. Please dont go oh darkness please dont go. Oh my loneliness please dont go.
SHIT AFTER A LAZY DAY HOW DIFFICULT IT IS TO GET THE SLEEP IN THE NIGHT. SLEEPLESS NIGHT COUPLED WITH THE HEAD ACHE HAS MADE ME CRAZY. I HAVE BEEN STRUGGLING TO GET SLEEP, AND ENDED WONDERING WHEN THE HEAD ACHE HAS GONE AND HOW EARLY MY HEAVENLY NIGHT HAS COME TO END....................ANOTHER BORING DAY AHEAD................................................................
Friday, January 18, 2008
expectations?! (essential for people management)
expectations?!
(I am- no writer - not authorised to make any conclusions - this is just some kind of thoughts that flow thru my very less exposed mind - this has no validity or may not hold true for other fellow readers.)
We all try to share / care and discuss/debate issues and expect something from the people who live with and around us or interact with as per varied degrees of relationship we assign them .
Actually , no one can completely share any problems/ feelings with any one ,even with husband /wife or boy/girl friend or whatever is the relation . What actually happens to us on discussing is that we ourselves start seeing the different angles of the issue when we try and talk about it – which may make the problem heavier or lighter.
Ofcourse ,the person with whom we discuss may or may not influence you with his/her attitude towards the issue- but in the end people listen to their own conclusions , rather than the other person’s.
what we feel might not be what the other feel about the same issue .At least the gravity of the issue will be different as per each mind!
Even what I write now will be seen differently by different minds .
so our problem is to a certain extend within ourself- our requirements and expectations.
Like - when we think that it is our right to get something and we dont get - it hurts
Thinking negatively- that there is no right , and we may not get it – we are prepared and there is no disappointment .
I used to do this even while i went for exams in school ; and under-project myself to even my parents – to make sure that I overtake their expectations
To get excited with what we r sure to get ... we may disown them …
Similarily - say , we expect someone to do a certain thing and they does not do it - we feel bad
Then try thinking that it is not necessary that others do what we want – they r not u - not urs - and then if they does not - it is as we expected and so no much hurt !
but then if they does it - it is above our expectations and we feel happy ,
it all depends on how much we expect -not on how much he or she does . it is within us- not within them
read them ( all around us ) by our own scale and measure them and
assign limits on what we can expect from them -reduce some 30% from that expectations ....and fix the expectation limits ...
do this with ur head not heart
and then u c , everyone is over achieving our expectations
(I am- no writer - not authorised to make any conclusions - this is just some kind of thoughts that flow thru my very less exposed mind - this has no validity or may not hold true for other fellow readers.)
We all try to share / care and discuss/debate issues and expect something from the people who live with and around us or interact with as per varied degrees of relationship we assign them .
Actually , no one can completely share any problems/ feelings with any one ,even with husband /wife or boy/girl friend or whatever is the relation . What actually happens to us on discussing is that we ourselves start seeing the different angles of the issue when we try and talk about it – which may make the problem heavier or lighter.
Ofcourse ,the person with whom we discuss may or may not influence you with his/her attitude towards the issue- but in the end people listen to their own conclusions , rather than the other person’s.
what we feel might not be what the other feel about the same issue .At least the gravity of the issue will be different as per each mind!
Even what I write now will be seen differently by different minds .
so our problem is to a certain extend within ourself- our requirements and expectations.
Like - when we think that it is our right to get something and we dont get - it hurts
Thinking negatively- that there is no right , and we may not get it – we are prepared and there is no disappointment .
I used to do this even while i went for exams in school ; and under-project myself to even my parents – to make sure that I overtake their expectations
To get excited with what we r sure to get ... we may disown them …
Similarily - say , we expect someone to do a certain thing and they does not do it - we feel bad
Then try thinking that it is not necessary that others do what we want – they r not u - not urs - and then if they does not - it is as we expected and so no much hurt !
but then if they does it - it is above our expectations and we feel happy ,
it all depends on how much we expect -not on how much he or she does . it is within us- not within them
read them ( all around us ) by our own scale and measure them and
assign limits on what we can expect from them -reduce some 30% from that expectations ....and fix the expectation limits ...
do this with ur head not heart
and then u c , everyone is over achieving our expectations
A Software Engineer's Feelings.....
( A good excerpt I have read in some blog )
It was raining heavily outside. Dark clouds gathered in the sky and nature was in its ominous best. I took a break from my work and went to the pantry to grab a cup of coffee. I had a sip and went near the window to see the rain pouring down heavily outside the glass structure. I was inside our huge office building, unruffled by even the fierceness of the nature.
Through the heavy transparent glass, I could see a small girl trying to hold on to her umbrella which the wind was snatching away from her. I felt sorry for the girl, and was happy that I was not in a similar pathetic situation. Yes. I take pride for the fact that I am a software engineer.
I have everything which a common man would envy; money, status, respect, you name it I have it. I always wanted to be software professional and here I am, working for one of the best firms in the world. But then, am I really happy? Now, I could see an imprint of my palm on the other glass window, through which I reminisced my past, basked in the warmth of the sun shine.
My childhood was so much of fun. I vividly remember those rainy days, when I hugged my mother tightly during sleeping listening to all the stories told by her. Now, I have a big house here, but then it is just a house, not a home. My parents are pretty far away from me now. I have a cell phone to talk to them everyday, but then I really miss those dinners which I had with my family everyday. I could easily afford to taste all the different cuisines these days, but the best of food there, lack the love and affection which is present in the food prepared by my mother.
I threw a lavish party for my colleagues for my birthday, but then they would never replace the birthdays when my friends secretly brought a cake and at the end, half of the cake would have ended up on my face. The couple of hundred bucks that u save for a long period just to give a treat to your friends in the road side chat shop can never give the pleasure even after spending a few thousand bucks these days.
The scene of me crying and refusing to have dinner on the day when I fought with my best friend came to my mind. Today, he has gone far away from me, taking away my friendship and with it my life, but I am sitting and coding here with a false smile on my face. Everyday I meet new people, but then I long ceased to make a new friend.
It's true that I have a lot of things now. I have a nice bed, but no time to sleep. Lots of money, but no friends to spend it with. The latest designer clothes, but a worn out body . Awards for technical excellence, but no reward for the crave for peaceful ambience. A confident demeanor, but a reluctant and apathetic mind. Full of rain, but no sunshine even in the farthest distance.
Now, I could see the small girl on the road enjoying in the rain with her umbrella firmly in her grip. She might not have all the comforts which I have, but then she has the innocence and fun which I lost a long time back.
I have decided to come out of this false fantasy, even if it is at the expense of losing the tap of the software engineer. I am going to again enjoy my life. I am going to go out in the rain and play with the small kid now. I removed my tie, and went near my computer to shut it down. Just then, I saw a new mail alert in my mail box. I slowly opened outlook and I found a message from my manager with an attachment saying that there was a critical defect in the code and I have to fix it soon. I convinced myself that I am not going to get bogged down again by these pressures and stick to my decision. I ignored the mail and went to the rest room. After a couple of minutes, the software engineer in me came out, his shirt tucked in with the perfect tie knot, sat before the computer, and started typing,
Hi XYZ,
I am looking into the defect and will send the patch files before EOD.
Regards,
Software Engineer.
Its just my imagination of life of a Software Engineer influenced by my own life as I am also a Software Engineer.
It was raining heavily outside. Dark clouds gathered in the sky and nature was in its ominous best. I took a break from my work and went to the pantry to grab a cup of coffee. I had a sip and went near the window to see the rain pouring down heavily outside the glass structure. I was inside our huge office building, unruffled by even the fierceness of the nature.
Through the heavy transparent glass, I could see a small girl trying to hold on to her umbrella which the wind was snatching away from her. I felt sorry for the girl, and was happy that I was not in a similar pathetic situation. Yes. I take pride for the fact that I am a software engineer.
I have everything which a common man would envy; money, status, respect, you name it I have it. I always wanted to be software professional and here I am, working for one of the best firms in the world. But then, am I really happy? Now, I could see an imprint of my palm on the other glass window, through which I reminisced my past, basked in the warmth of the sun shine.
My childhood was so much of fun. I vividly remember those rainy days, when I hugged my mother tightly during sleeping listening to all the stories told by her. Now, I have a big house here, but then it is just a house, not a home. My parents are pretty far away from me now. I have a cell phone to talk to them everyday, but then I really miss those dinners which I had with my family everyday. I could easily afford to taste all the different cuisines these days, but the best of food there, lack the love and affection which is present in the food prepared by my mother.
I threw a lavish party for my colleagues for my birthday, but then they would never replace the birthdays when my friends secretly brought a cake and at the end, half of the cake would have ended up on my face. The couple of hundred bucks that u save for a long period just to give a treat to your friends in the road side chat shop can never give the pleasure even after spending a few thousand bucks these days.
The scene of me crying and refusing to have dinner on the day when I fought with my best friend came to my mind. Today, he has gone far away from me, taking away my friendship and with it my life, but I am sitting and coding here with a false smile on my face. Everyday I meet new people, but then I long ceased to make a new friend.
It's true that I have a lot of things now. I have a nice bed, but no time to sleep. Lots of money, but no friends to spend it with. The latest designer clothes, but a worn out body . Awards for technical excellence, but no reward for the crave for peaceful ambience. A confident demeanor, but a reluctant and apathetic mind. Full of rain, but no sunshine even in the farthest distance.
Now, I could see the small girl on the road enjoying in the rain with her umbrella firmly in her grip. She might not have all the comforts which I have, but then she has the innocence and fun which I lost a long time back.
I have decided to come out of this false fantasy, even if it is at the expense of losing the tap of the software engineer. I am going to again enjoy my life. I am going to go out in the rain and play with the small kid now. I removed my tie, and went near my computer to shut it down. Just then, I saw a new mail alert in my mail box. I slowly opened outlook and I found a message from my manager with an attachment saying that there was a critical defect in the code and I have to fix it soon. I convinced myself that I am not going to get bogged down again by these pressures and stick to my decision. I ignored the mail and went to the rest room. After a couple of minutes, the software engineer in me came out, his shirt tucked in with the perfect tie knot, sat before the computer, and started typing,
Hi XYZ,
I am looking into the defect and will send the patch files before EOD.
Regards,
Software Engineer.
Its just my imagination of life of a Software Engineer influenced by my own life as I am also a Software Engineer.
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Second Look
Hey I am struggling to find time to create my blog......
Ha at last...my solo photo entry...hi hi hi
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
